Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
