I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im holly from the hills drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She has the best kind of daddy issues
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
