New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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