If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
