I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
