There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
