dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
