I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
