I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
