Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
