I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
