cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
