I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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