capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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