Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
