So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
