i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
