I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
