That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
