I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
