Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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