He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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