Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she looked like the before picture.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
