Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
