dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
