Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
