I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
