So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
