I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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