I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
