Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
