I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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