I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
