the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
