my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize