About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
