you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
