I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
