There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize