I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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