Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
