is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
