that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
