I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
