so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
