I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im holly from the hills drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
