Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
