I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
