I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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