"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We need to get me chipped asap
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize