I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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