She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
