Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
