I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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