he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
