It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
