Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
