this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
