My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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