Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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