the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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