hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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