apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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