All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
