Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
