there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
