You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize